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Anger blinds and keeps us from seeing anything good about another person or situation.

I have called people names and said things about others that felt right to my flesh at the time, but clearly was not Gods best of me in those moments. You’d think I would learn….

Certainly I’m a better version of myself today than I was years ago but just the other day I found myself busting out some old responses that left me feeling worthless and incapable of ever getting this mouth of mine under control. And that is where Christ reminded me of the truth and lie in that single sentence.

I am not worthless. No matter how many times I fail, I am created in the image of God and He has a purpose and a plan for my life. But, so does the enemy of my soul. The lie the enemy whispers over and over that I’ll never get it right so why try! Gods response is where the truth resides. I cannot get my mouth, anger, hurts or anything else under control until I let go of that control to Him. It is Christ’s Spirit that lives in me that tames my tongue, soothes my hurts and calms my anger.

Christ has taught me to endure an uncomfortable situation for the sake of another and offer grace whenever possible. He has also taught me to become aware of the warning signs in my body that tell me to remove myself from an unhealthy situation “before” I start busting out some old anger move or verbally damage the other person.

Yeah, I’m still working out the “before” part, and quite honestly there is still a person or two that can easily take me from 0 to 100 on the emotional anger scale in seconds. These are the people I pray for daily (as well as myself) because I react to them like a caged animal thats fighting for emotional survival. It’s because I’ve cared deeply for them that I subconsciously offer them access past my warning signs.

Anger comes from deep emotional hurts that need to be turned over to Christ daily. On any level, a less than graceful reaction calls scripture to my mind and in particular Matthew 5:22. Even verse 25 & 26 says the consequences of not dealing with anger quickly and humbling myself will always have a poorer outcome in the long run.

Becoming the woman God has called me to be requires a certain sacrifice of the flesh and a giving up of temper tantrums. I’ll not always understand the motives of others, but neither is a woman of God called to judge them. If I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it and certainly I no longer want to contribute to it. “It” being anything in my life that is less than edifying to Christ.

Anger binds ugly to ugly and hurt to hurt. Stopping the cycles of self loathing and choosing to LIVE in Christ takes commitment.

When history looks back at my life, what glory of God will it see? I hope it sees just the shadow of a hurt, sinful, broken girl, who one day gave her life to Christ and was transformed into a glorious light of His Amazing Grace.

In reaching for a Christ life as my goal, I not only honor myself, but others along the way.
~C

So I decided to take a little class on Bible interpreting. My presupposition and pre understanding of what this class would require of me was based on the fact that I did not see a final term paper listed as a requirement. I wrongfully assumed that though this class would be “required” of me at some point, it did not appear to be a class that would require much of my time to complete. I wrongfully assumed it was the perfect class to undertake during the busiest season of service to my church.

A suitable assessment summation for the disposition and mind set of how I began my Hermeneutics class this semester requires me to use the words; uneducated, uninformed and unaware. I could even apply ignorant to my knowledge of what Hermeneutics was about all together. I had heard the term ‘hermeneutics’ I just didn’t understand what it meant. Sure I was organically using some of the principles of hermeneutics in my daily roles and responsibilities in my church; I just didn’t know I was doing it and by default, that is considered ‘spiritualizing’ the Word.  

Once I committed to payment of the course and received my workbook, I realized this class was one Satan would have preferred I’d have skipped. I soon learned about “feel good” interpretations of Scripture reading and relating. I was comfortable reading a Scripture passage and believing that it was telling me what I wanted to hear. But God has clearly changed my heart through this class. I now listen for what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear. My mentor has been instrumental in helping me through that process. I’ve discovered how to see a passage in its whole context. I haven’t always been good at that but I know that I can never read the bible the way I did before I took this class.

The assignment that was required of me on Genesis was the most powerful for me. As I researched the 3 major themes that I found in chapter 12:1-4, I began to see those same principles repeated over and over throughout my own journey as well as reflected there in God’s Word throughout the entire Book. The principles of God Speaking directly to us, ‘calling’ us and having a plan, and specific journey He wants to send us on, sort of merged together in such a way that I almost had to look at the message as one big message rather than separate ones. Yet, Hermeneutics required me to look at each separate message in detail first in order to see that big picture clearly.  At the end of the day, I believe that is what Hermeneutics is all about, bringing the details of who God is alive so I get a more focused bigger picture.

Because of this class, I believe I am better equipped to build my life on the solid significant Truth of God’s Word. Daily quiet time has been the only way I’ve been able to handle stress in my life but now my quiet time is filled with new adventure and excitement. My journey in His Word has become richer as I look for the authors intended meaning of a scripture. I am no longer afraid to wrestle with the differences between what a scripture means to the biblical audience it was written to and the world I live in today. When I cross a principlizing bridge I feel like I’m on a great adventure. Some bridges are narrow and others are vast but they are all helping me to understand how I will modify or qualify a principle so I can truly grasp the text in my own town and give it a proper application.

When I read God’s Word today, I can now see fingerprints left by those who came before me. My world is changing, even the way I do ministry is changing and I’m convinced that the way we as a community ‘do’ church is changing. But the one thing that I am certain never changes is God’s Word. It surprises me that I found that truth inside my own heart through this process. I’m now grateful for the very thing I was so sad I learned in this class. I was really disappointed to find out that there are no ‘deeper meanings’ to God’s Word. In Malachi 3:6, God says, “I, the Lord, do not change.”  That is called the immutability of God. That’s a fancy way of saying that God’s always been the same, He is the same right now, and He will always be the same. He is perfect so there is no need to give me more or less of Him. He offers His complete truths through scripture to me and anyone else who cares to seek Him out there. I guess I wanted to feel special so I took the news that He speaks the same Word to everyone, as though it was a personal insult that God didn’t want to say something special just to me. God actually went silent to me for about 3 weeks during this class. At least the way I was accustomed to hearing him speak to me anyway. It was the most painful experience I think I can ever remember going through, and I’ve been through a lot in my life. But through the process, I found the Word of God was truly all I needed to maintain the stability of my life and to continue to lead others forward.

Once I came to terms with what God was showing me, I soon felt an added awareness of His presence return and His ‘familiar’ voice began speaking again. I quickly found my passion returning for seeing things as God gave me gifts to see them, but now I am better prepared to give an answer for ‘why’ I see things the way I do. I certainly went full circle during this class.

 This moment I am ever grateful that I learned that Scripture has to support Scripture. I’m wiser knowing and believing that God’s Word has been built on God’s unchanging Truth and nothing I dream up or any opinion I or anyone else has about His truth can change His Truths! God is perfect, He can’t get any better – and He can’t get any worse. So God says, “I never change.”

Thank you God. The same personal and real relationship I have with Jesus is the same one God is offering to you! Again, thank you God!

~C

Today that all too familiar feeling is moving through my gut again. It starts in my back and winds its way around to the front. I find myself holding on to my breath and letting it go in short spurts as I glance at the illumination from my cell phone. I have been praying for good news this morning. Anything. Any encouraging sign that the hard fought battle to bring forward motion to a ministry is still taking place in my absence. My central nervous system is trying to aid me by preparing me for more bad news. Those fiery little buggers have learned that ministry leadership requires boldness and thus they are firing forewarning shots across my cerebral bow indicating I should put on my armaments in Christ this morning. Romans 11:29 reminds me that “God’s gifts and call can never be withdrawn” I guess the enemy  knows that which is why he is offering my subconscious mind the option to pursue stagnation, distraction or worse yet… indifference.  Clearly, my central nervous system is on to his little tricks and has a backup plan in place this morning. I wish my thyroid would communicate better with my adrenal system though because ministry leadership also requires patients and stamina. At least my pineal gland has learned over the years that those I’ve not been successful in leading forward, I’ve at least been successful in out lasting.  Exercising my daily faith gift is like taking a daily B12 shot in the hinny every week whether I need one or not! It stings going in sometimes and the concoction is rendered completely useless unless I apply a well balance diet to my routine as well- but if properly administered it can be the little boost my nervous system needs to carry my faith walk into application opportunities for others. In a nutshell, Ministry leadership is …follow after me as I follow after Christ. Leadership requires faith,  but the application of that faith requires well ordered sacrifice, wisdom, obedience, strength influence, confidence in my leader, vision, patients. At least that is what this morning’s faith walk is requiring of me. Reaching over to pick up the illuminated cell phone, I click the button and breathe deeply. This morning I am trying something different. I’m opting for balance. As the screen turns black and the light fades I look over at the loved ones sitting across the breakfast table from me. Smiling I return to the conversations at hand and the leadership example God has called me to in this moment. Sometimes ministry leadership requires letting go in order to lead well.

~C  (2Cor 12:10)

Today I woke up and felt a shift in my understanding of just who Christ is to me. It’s not as if I just ate from the tree of knowledge, but I have been doing a considerable amount of study and research lately. What I’ve discovered is that I’ve been truely misguided by my feelings and emotions in many ways.

As I study and pray and ask lots of questions, I’ve challenged myself to learn the right way to interpret the Old Testament by studying the New Testament. Yikes! That’s a self challenge if I’ve ever been up for one. But I was all in for this one.

In studying Paul’s words in the NT, I acknowledge his mastery of the OT and lucky for me, last semester I had opportunity to study the OT so I was able to see the beautiful connections between the OT and NT especially in Paul’s letter to the Romans. As I studied the Gospels (more specifically Matthew and Paul’s letter to the Romans), I counted over 125 references to the Old Testament. It was there that I was able to view the OT prophecies of the Messiah in a whole new light. Though I’m not as skilful at using OT scripture references as I am NT scripture references (and I still suck a little at that too), but at least I can now relate both to my prayer life.

The New Testament has become a story book to me. As I read it, it’s like a story about living a life “with” God and I love getting the whole picture of the bible as it is taking place through Gods eternal story. Reading His story draws me in closer to the presence of Christ. Any area of my life that is not drawn with me looks dark in comparison. It is on this notion that my mind is open to seeing where I may have been shutting Christ out all along due to my own ignorance, fear and perhaps even pride.

As I was reading Galatians 3:8 where Paul says that God “announced the Gospel in advance to Abraham” I suddenly realized that God had (and has) the right to destroy me completely if he wants to. He created me and I am his from the beginning to end. But God gave me a chance to understand him through Christ. What the Old Testament points to and the New Testament confirms is that Grace was GODs choice, not mine. I now see salvation and service to Christ as a privilege that comes with responsibility.

I have to laugh at myself sometimes. I’ve gone from being a flat out rule breaker, to dancing in the grey areas of life, to basking in Christ light. I fully comprehend that God will never waist my hurts. There was a time when I wasn’t so sure about that. But now I truly believe it. That’s why I write. I don’t know if anyone will ever read my posts but I feel responsible for sharing my transformational journey with others in any way I can. The rest is really up to God anyway.

I acknowledge that I was made from nothing but His Word. I am a miracle! God is doing the impossible in me and I am in a special relationship with him today. Well, honestly- we are all in a special relationship with him if we so chose to be. And that is the mystery of God’s works as I see it in the New Testament. Through studying His Word I have learned to simply trust Christ more. Christ is this beautiful gift from God by which I live. As a spiritual leader for my church, I’m required to find the delicate balance between standing up and modeling what I believe, without turning people off with judgment or condemnation for not seeing things as I do. That’s not so easy to do. But I’ll keep trying as long a Christ lets me lead for him. When I’m no longer fruitful, I know he will move me on.

I guess my studies of the OT proved to me that God decided to live among the people he created and speak personally to them from the very beginning. First in the Garden of Eden, then the Tabernacle built by Moses and King Solomon. He also spoke directly to His creation as well. First in the Garden of Eden, then to Moses, David and the Prophets.

Studying the NT proved to me that because of Christ’s sacrifice, God now lives inside of me. I get to be the walking temple of His Good News and the Holy Spirit until He returns to collect his body of believers. Knowing this and really believing it gives winds to my feet to keep waking in faith. It gives strength to my heart to persevere in my calling and continue to equip servant leaders and build up the body of Christ.

Yes, today I woke up feeling a shift in my understanding. Though I’ve spent countless hours studying leadership books, strategies and models and countless more studying the bible and theory and theology. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll never know enough or it all and that a person can only learn leadership by leading others. 

At the end of the day my calling boils down to two things; Do I believe Christ is who he says he is? And, do I believe He will do what he said he’d do? If my answer is yes to those two questions, then that deeply impacts the way I live my life for Christ… 

And that “is” my calling.

~C

I was asked if someone says, “I believe in Jesus,” is that enough, or should I seek to know more about which Jesus they believe in?

I very much doubt that I would enter into an evangelistic encounter with a believer on purpose, and not have a next step thought out for the encounter. That’s not to say I’m not prepared with a personal testimony at any given moment, but I’ve never seen myself as gifted in at evangelism. Yet, the other day a friend of mine pointed out to me that I was doing just that by listening to her, strategizing with her about her next step, and then equipping her to take it.

I had never really thought of evangelism that way before. Strategy comes natural to me when I know what the end result is supposed to look like. Equipping people to reach that end result is something I truly enjoy where kingdom building is concerned. I love the concepts of Church Health as defined by the 5 Biblical Principles and Healthy movement towards the Great Commission and the Great Commandment being carried out through ordinary people in the church. I guess, in a way I do care about “which Jesus” people believe in.

I also think it has to do with who the addressee was. I would want to know a little about their back ground and also the country I was in would have a huge impact on that answer too. I would hope that any “evangelistic encounter” I enter into would lead the person I am chatting with one step closer to salvation or deeper into relationship with Christ at the least.

Sometimes “I believe in Jesus” is just the right place for a person to be at that moment in their lives. Certainly I would pray that person is in community with other believers to help them mature their faith. I think our life is made of moments where our attitude can be matured and developed in community with others that are aligned with the right attitude before God.

If I felt someone was seeking out more of who Jesus was in our conversation, I would ask strategic questions that I may  be of service in leading them towards truth. Questions like; What do you believe about Jesus Christ? Have you ever seriously investigated the claims of Jesus? If so, what did you discover? What’s a Christian? Would you share with me what you know about what Christians believe? Who or what determines whether or not a person is a Christian? Have your encounters with other Christians generally been positive or negative? Do you know of any benefits for being a Christian? And the list goes on and on and hopefully we leave the conversation with hearts filled with gratitude for who Christ is.

When I am having “evangelistic encounters” with a church member in a roll of leadership however, I certainly want them to be able to know what their membership means. Leadership carries more responsibility with it than a quick dunk in a water tank and shout-out of “I believe.”

No, I don’t go looking for conversations that question a person’s belief system, but as a strategist and an equipper, when I see a red flag in a volunteer leaders actions or communications to those they are leading, I start asking questions to try and discover what might be missing or can be added to their belief system, to help them lead well.

I was visiting a church the other day and was chatting with one of the volunteer teaching team leaders. When I asked questions about their church membership covenant, they honestly did not know how to answer my question. “It’s just something we have them sign at the end of class to make sure they are a believer.” I thought to myself, if those members don’t know the Whys behind the What’s- when those members become volunteer leaders themselves, they may have their task lists down pat, but are they truly going to be able to reproduce themselves in a healthy fashion for the church? Here is where I start asking questions to help lead leaders into their next spiritual maturity moments and then hold them accountable for following through. Unhealthy leaders reproduce unhealthy volunteers which produce an unhealthy church. The fruits of a ministry, or lack thereof, cannot be hidden for long. How long-depends on who’s looking.

I don’t give myself many points in the area of evangelism. God calls me to speak boldly at times, and I’ll go there because I love His Church.  I’m learning more every day about how to love Christ well and just be obedient to his call on my heart. I hope I am good at meeting people where they are on their path and when called upon I hope I’m equipped with the appropriate response to encourage and inspire more of Christ’s likeness into their life.

If I were having an “evangelistic encounter” with a non- believer or a new-believer,  I would do a snoopy dance at the end of the conversation if they were to simply confess with their mouth and heart- “I  believe in Jesus.” 

I guess at the end of the day, “I believe” can mean many things to many people. I’m most concerned with what my “I Believe” means to God.

 ~C

As a cook, I like to spice up my recipes and add a little of this or that to give my guests a memorable and personal experience. It generally helps for me to know the audience I’m cooking for before I start mixing my ingredients together. I want to know who might be intolerant to certain spices for instance, or who might be pleased with citric over sugar or enjoy a deep or mellow flavor over sharp and fiery. If I find I have a mixed group of people coming- I create each course in a way that will appeal to a specific taste while trying to blend the overall meal together.

I see the gospels like this. The four are reaching out to humanity. All of us. I believe God is serving us all a great confirmation meal as he is confirming that people of all preferences, temperaments and personalities are invited to sit at the same table with him.

The four distinct Gospels is inviting people to this incredible meal with him. His invitation through Matthew is to the Jewish audience, Mark is an invitation to the Roman result oriented person, Luke’s invitation  is for the Greek thinking, discerning compassionate person and John is written to the “Believer” Christian Church member.

There is a short defined period of time surrounding these distinct groups of people. The invitations were being prepared by Christ himself. As he was inviting his guests, he handed them several additional invitations that they would hand out on his behalf. The Church began on Sunday the Resurrection day (Easter) when Jesus gave permission to each of his disciples through the Spirit he breathed into each one of them to go and offer these invitations to join the Christian Church here on earth while he (Christ) goes off to heavens Kitchen to prepare the meal.

I always make preparations to serve guests who arrive late to my parties. I am sure to save some special things in my kitchen just for them, because I want everyone to have a great experience at my table. I think the Gospel of John is written by John for the general audience of Christians- those who accept the invitation with excitement and RSVP early. But there will come a time when the Church is Raptured into heaven and there will be people on earth who have invitations in their hands, but haven’t even realized they were invited to the party until everyone else is gone.

Could it be that the Bible serves as the invitation to Jews and Gentiles and the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke are different from John because they not only address the issues of the people during the days when Jesus walked the earth- but will address the issues and circumstances in the lives of the people who are left behind…perhaps even someday soon.

Christ must have the kitchen window open, because I smell some amazing aromas wafting thorugh the air. Open your invitations people. The meal is almost ready!

~C

What if you could time travel and go back to that early Christ period in history. From today’s Christian perspective, it’s easy to review history and point out all the faults of the religious groups of that day. We can see all their mistakes and glean some fantastic learning’s. But what if you were to time travel and had to live and identify with one of those religious groups of the times. Who would you identify with knowing all you know about them now?

Instead of looking “at” history, what if you had to live it? Which group would you pick?  For me, it’s not as easy as just picking one religious group. I see myself in all of them to some degree.  As a Pharisee I can connect to how protective I would be over the traditions and Law. Given the volatile climate of the times, and assuming my heart was pure for God, I can see myself being part of the group that would have survived the Jewish War and overcome all the surrounding religious influences because of that protective nature. I relate to the Pharisees agreeing that Scripture was the Word of God but I would hope that I would have been a teachable leader of those times. One that Christ could have been proud of and one that he would come to open my eyes and heart to more of who he was as he walked.

As a Sadducee, I would have enjoyed the upper-class life style. I think I could have been tolerant of Greek culture and Roman presence as I see myself compassionate now to surrounding religious influences. Opinionated but tolerant, yes I could see life there, for a while. But my heart would eventually break for Christ and I would have left my community- and probably been killed for it. Time travel back for that? No thanks. Perhaps I’d go with the Zealots. Yeah, the Zealots were a passionate political group. Big voices and heavy sticks. This would have been a crazy group of people to live among. It was a growing movement that thrived in chaos, and grew to protect and preserve the culture they held sacred. Hmmmm, maybe not right for me after all.

That leaves me with the Essenes. I kind of get the 60’s vibe from this group of people. In some respects I can see a benefit to a cult life lived in a tent away from the crazy wars and political battles of the day. Given the social and economical times of the period, this may have been like retreat living, but I’m certain they didn’t have a Spa in their compounds.  Guess I would not have bought into that life style too easily unless I was convinced that was where God wanted me to go to protect his Word. Who knows, maybe that is truly what they believed.

At the end of the day, history remains one of our greatest teaching tools. I like the learning’s I find on the surface but love the connection found inside the communities when I place myself in the middle of the culture of the time. I pray that God keeps my eyes open to the lessons of my day here and now as well.  Who knows, tomorrow my community may be the subject of a future generations time travel considerations.

~C